There is a reason why some things happen in life. And there
is a reason why some people come in and out of your life at different times. God
sends angels, and in some cases, devils, not just to taunt you but to move you
along on your journey. The key is to not get stuck.
Now, those devils can be beguiling creatures. In the
beginning, it can be all seductive smiles and laughter. It’s as exciting as a
game of chance. The devils conspire to let you win a little, lose a little, then
win some more. You are drawn in by the newness of it all – being swept out of
the mundane into a swirling cacophony of feelings from total elation to abject
misery and everything in between. This is that
feeling: Being Alive. And it feels good.
Before you know it, those devils have swept you up to
dizzying heights. You take a deep breath of the cool, clean, biting air that
stings your lungs just a bit. You find yourself standing on a precipice. Every
possibility lies before you, infinite joy stretched across an endless sky. But
you don’t dare look down. Never look down. Take a second to appreciate the
moment. How exciting to be at the juncture of ‘will she or won’t she’; ‘should
she or shouldn’t she.’ And to
think, even if she does, what a ride it will be. What a rush. That is until the
crash. And crash you must because
the air up in these heights is thin, and cannot sustain you.
Some devils will leave you on the edge, standing there just Wanting and wondering why. Maybe their angels have led them away.
Or maybe they are just cruel. Other devils will smile, take your hand and jump
with you. And why not? These unearthly creatures don’t hurt; they don’t die;
they don’t care. Still others will stand behind and help you along with a good
swift kick…this is a journey after all. There’s no time to stop and contemplate
your life choices. Just go.
Now, if you are lucky, an angel will lead you away from the
edge before you leap, or will guide you down, softening the blow. The harder
lesson will be learned if you take your lumps at the bottom, and have to climb
your way out of the abyss. It would be even worse for you, if, along the way,
you seem to drag other lives into the chasm with you. Take someone’s innocence,
take their trust, their friendship, their lives – the more lives you destroy
with your own foolishness, the harder the climb. Always remember that; be aware
of collateral damage. To do otherwise is nothing but selfish.
I confess, I am more familiar with devils than I am with
angels. For the most part, I may have danced with the devil too many times,
taken the fall, brushed myself off, and hit repeat. Different times, different places, different faces, same
result. Until that last time, when I pushed feelings aside…no, buried them, and
let my brain take over saying, ”I want off this ride.” And I stopped. I allowed
myself to get stuck. Because stuck is safe. And safe feels good.
Perhaps, too, the reason for my
immobility could be that I no longer trusted myself to recognize an angel when
I saw one. Having so often fallen for the lie, having misplaced my faith,
having experienced defeat, and suffered disappointment – not just in the devil,
but in myself for accepting the devil’s invitation to begin with – I’ve been
led to question everything. In this case, ‘will she, or won’t she’ is followed
quickly by ‘but what if’…and the imagined end result is always bad.
However, with the passage of time, I’ve come to learn some
things. First of all, angels are quieter than devils. Despite reports to the
contrary, I do not believe that personal angels come in the form of glaringly
brilliant celestial beings trumpeting some magnificent fanfare as you are swept
up into the heavens. Faced with such an ostentatious display, I would probably
exclaim a loud wtf and run swiftly in the opposite direction.
Luckily, angels are stealthier. They sneak into quiet
corners of our lives, no pomp, no ceremony, and no hullabaloo. They are
blessedly unexpected, they are not proud or boastful, they have no agenda, and
ask for nothing in return. They are just there for you. They are comfort. Angels
can inspire you from afar, or appear in little gestures: a smile, a hand held,
an embrace, a connection, a loving glance, lots of laughter, and sometimes even
in sighs and tears. Angels encourage mobility, and offer you a safe space to
make your way back to living. You will be swept out of the mundane and into a symphony
of feelings from the joyful to bittersweet that lets you know that you are
loved.
Angels have many faces: they can be family, friends, and
even strangers, but the funny thing is they will feel familiar to you,
surprising you with the ease of their acquaintance. They accept you for who you
are, despite the number of times you may have fallen, and they encourage you to
be the best, most authentic version of yourself that you could be. Authenticity
is the key. If someone tries to force you to change, or to fit into a little box
of who they think you should be, beware. Angels won’t tell you what to think or
how you should feel, they simply ask, ‘what do you think?’ and ‘how do you
feel?’ without judgment.
You must remember that angels have wings to fly away. There
is no guarantee that your angels will always be around for you. This is the
nature of the universe. But unlike the devils that leave you with nothing but a
few bruises from the fall they lead you to, angels leave you with love that
should always, always, always be treasured and held in your heart.
Just as an angel supports you in every way, you want to support them, and support others in the same way. Where they inspire you, you want to inspire, when they lift you up, you want to help lift others. Love is love is love, and love grows. And it feels good.
